A New Day

I’ve gotten to hang out with my husband for a whole week!! It’s been really good, considering we have lived in two separate places for approximately 9 months. I’m nervous/excited to hear what the decision was about Jake’s case. I trust God that He will work out the details. Help my unbelief!

I’ve had a lot of internal dialogue (monologue?) lately, and it’s been really hard for me to express it well. Some of it has been attitudes and feelings that I don’t want to have. I’m reminded over and over of my “scarcity mentality”. God provides the resources (time, service, money, etc) to provide for what he has set out to do. I’ve been feeling like others have been “grabbing up” the resources where I am, and while I’m trying to build a team, it’s hard when others are building theirs too. I get angry/frustrated when I feel like I’m forced to look out for myself because others are looking out for themselves. I know, I know, I know that God just because the Lord blesses someone with something doesn’t mean that He won’t provide for me too. He is infinite, as are His resources.

It’s hard being the newbie too. I don’t have a lot of experience, and I’m the youngest on the team. I desire to do better, but right now I’m not sure how to develop myself. I long for a mentor, but as of now, the Lord has not brought one into my life. Which is fine, He knows best. I continue to look and pray though.

Other parts of the dialogue in my head has been very fun to think about and very mind-stimulating. I’ve been starting to wonder what God has for our next step. Being intentional about reflecting on the ideas and dreams and desires and holy discontents that the Lord has given me. How do those things work together? I’m afraid that I will not reach for my dreams because I’ve been taught to be practical. I need to figure out what those dreams are. A lot of soul-searching and praying for guidance. Brainstorming about the future. The world looks so big right now. So many interests and desires, but still we need to decide on one thing.

The world is our playground.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006 at 1:39 pm and is filed under Inner Workings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.