Where have all the men gone?
I’ve been very discouraged by the lack of men in the collegiate campus ministry I’m on staff at…. we have some awesome guys, but most don’t really want to do anything that is not “fun”. Our leadership team is probably 80-85% women. I dont really understand why. I know that it’s not only a problem here, but in many local bodies around the nation. Can someone help me understand this? Why are men so afraid to lead? And why do women have to step up and do take on a majority of leadership for the men?
I feel very grieved. I dont think this is how things we’re designed to be.
April 24th, 2006 at 2:19 pm
Hey Tiffany. Good questions! I think there is a real problem with men being disengaged from the church, but I think we need to be careful that in our desire to get them connected, we don’t end up pushing them away.
One thing I’d say is that most guys need to be doing stuff. Sitting around in long meetings, Bible studies, etc usually doesn’t inspire. And that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re heathens! Most men need something that they can get their teeth in to. Specific projects or clearly defined programmes. We had a weekly cell/small group in our house and we’d get a small number of guys coming along. But we then had a set 8 week focus (ie defined start and end point unlike most small groups) on guys using Wild at Heart by John Eldredge as the resource and suddenly there were a whole lot more guys getting enaged and excited about ways that could be doing stuff.
The small group focus of meeting every week doing pretty much the same thing and often being expected to bare your soul just isn’t really the right model for most guys. Most men need projects or experiences that will use their skills and passions.
Jesus’ approach with the disciples was not really stuck in a room. It was teaching on the go. It was inspiring and releasing them. It involved them, strethed them, pushed them out into the deep end. It required something of them.
Maybe a good starting point could be to gather some guys to go through something like StrengthsFinder. We’re looking to utilise that in helping people discover and live from their strengths as we start Mosaic here in Sheffield, England.
Hmmm, I have a whole lot more thoughts your questions have triggered, but I’ve probably taken up more than enough space on your blog already!
April 24th, 2006 at 2:45 pm
Sam– Thanks for this comment! It is so so so helpful to get some clear and helpful wisdom and answers for this problem that seems to often plague us… and us women just don’t understand! Tiffany and I are on staff together, and thus are in the same situation. Your comments make real, practical sense, and hopefully will lead us to some real, practical solutions! (Though that in itself is hard, b/c we pretty much have one male staff and few male student leaders… but I guess it has to start somewhere and grow and snowball huh?)
Also, we as a staff have gone through StrengthsFinder, and it was excellent and so helpful to us as a staff! For weeks we were like “Hey, that is right up your alley Miss Woo” or “Yeah, you handling greeting of guests would be perfect for you, Mr. Includer!” Good times
April 24th, 2006 at 3:09 pm
Glad to help you think through some of this stuff, Jessica.
Have you read Wild at Heart by the way? Whilst the masculinity described isn’t necessarily all men, there is a lot of really good stuff in there. We got loads of the girls reading that (as well as the guys) with the student ministry we led and that was really helpful for the girls undertanding the guys a whloe lot better. So, if you haven’t read it, i’d definitely recommend it.
Also, the way Erwin McManus describes what it means to be a follower of Christ in The Barbarian Way is something that I think, whilst relevant to both males and females, is particuarly helpful for guys, so that might be worth taking a look at too. And it’s quite short!
April 24th, 2006 at 4:42 pm
Looking back on college, I don’t know if I had really matured into a man at that point. I was fairly wise in some things, but didn’t really have a concept of taking responsibility for my community or what community really was on a huge college campus.
It would be really great if you had a local church that could partner with you sending men who could mentoring some of the willing young men who might mentor/lead other young men as they went along.
April 24th, 2006 at 6:59 pm
Those are great ideas. I do wish there were older men to help the younger of us along.
Sam, maybe you could post some more of your thoughts about this topic on your blog.
April 25th, 2006 at 6:39 am
I might just do that, Jake!
April 25th, 2006 at 6:53 am
Great discussion. I don’t subscribe to everything Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill in Seattle says, but I think he has a point, when he says some of this might be due to our blurring of what it means to be a man or woman in our culture.
I know that thought opens up a different can of worms, but IF there are gender roles, whatever they are, I think a lot of guys have abdicated it.
It could also have to do with the way we portray Jesus…?
April 25th, 2006 at 7:04 am
I think that is relevant, Lon. And I do think that the core desires of men and women are different, though closely related. And often the church (in my experience) has connected better to the desires of women than it has men. And the portrayal of Jesus has definitely been a factor in this as far as I’m concerned. “Gentle Jesus meek and mild” is sadly that only picture of Jesus many churches portray. Jesus as a warrior, a man of real strength, passion, energy, and intelligence often seems to get missed out. I think recapturing a fuller picture of Jesus Himself and the life He calls us into is a big part of helping guys engage with church and step up to the plate as leaders.
April 25th, 2006 at 9:51 am
Hey Tiffany,
Great post about collegiate ministry and the lack of guys involved. I read your post yesterday, and have been thinking about it since then - trying to decide whether or not we’re experiencing something similar up here in Madison. The ministry that I now work part time on staff with is the same one that I spent three years involved in as a student, and I think the gender involvement has been all over the map, changing every couple of years.
When our campus ministry was started 6 years ago, there was a core group of 4-5 college students and the college pastor…and that group was mixed evenly between men/women. When I started getting involved, the ministry was probably 75-80% females both involved and attending. I remember when I started getting involved with different teams, people were excited because I was a guy, and they wanted to have more guys involved/visible in the ministry.
Now a few years later, we just had a meeting to discuss the vision for the future of the ministry, since we have a lot of leaders graduating/moving on. In a room with around 15 students, I think we had a 50/50 gender mix. So…it’s definitely been all over the map.
Beyond numbers, it’s difficult to figure out what it is that might have been behind the changes in guys attendance/involvement. Although our ministry is on the smaller side, we have several really solid guys small groups led by adult men in the church. We’re also connected to a multigeneration church that invests heavily into the lives of college students, and there are a lot of strong male leaders/role models around the church in various positions (everything from pastors to lay leaders to attenders).
But I defintely agree with a lot of the above posts, that there is something deeper that is being missed by much of the American church - there is something that is lacking in church/ministry that draws in and engages the heart of men. Although I’m not the biggest Wild at Heart fan, I agree with Sam that there is some stuff in there that is just true. And I think Barbarian Way hits a lot of the same stuff in a way that’s not as gender-focused. I remember reading through Wild at Heart as a freshman, and getting really excited. I also remember hearing the Barbarian Way talk from Willow, and feeling a rush of energy that helped push me towards ministry involvement. So there is definitely something to be said about how a ministry/church engages the human heart.
I appreciate all the discussion on this post….great stuff to think about….
April 25th, 2006 at 10:35 am
Sam, Lon, Parke, Dave– thanks so much for all the comments and suggestions. It seems like there is a common thread of having older guys around to help mentor/be influencers on the younger ones. and that is certianly something that we lack here. We have a few though. We could start there.
I read Wild at Heart my freshmen year (i.e. 5 years ago), so i think i will read it again. It might better help me to understand the guys and how to encourage them as an older sister in Christ.
Again, thanks so much! It’s encouraging.
April 27th, 2006 at 9:02 am
Yeah, I’ve seen this same thing here. I’m the college pastor at our church. There does seem to be more of a willingness in females to step up to leadership or even get deeply invovled.
I haven’t really thought that much about it, but yesterday, on my way home, some thoughts came to mind.
I think part of it could be the idea of what college is for some people. I mean these guys have been under parental law forever and there is a new found freedom when you move away to college. But they also know this is not going to last forever and once they graduate THEN they will have to move into a different level of responsibility. So its almost like this feeling of… Why do it now? I’ll have to do all the leadership stuff when I graduate so I’m just going to enjoy this time of inbetween.
I agree a lot of that fits with the Wild at Heart / Barbarian Way thing.
And that goes along with your previous post. The idea that somehow becoming a Christian, and even more so a Christian LEADER, means you have to skip out on the adventures of life at college. I agree with you Lon a lot of that I think comes from the way we present Jesus.
Get some older guys to mentor the younger ones… thats great and works… but its a hard thing to initiate. Even if you have some guys willing to help, its hard to just step into a relationship with some younger guys. Especially as transiant as the college community is.
Our Pastor of Student Ministries here has just started this 10 minute talk thing. He asks someone if they would be willing to talk or share or whatever for 10 minutes sometime during a youth service. It seems to be working very well so far. It gives him an opportunity to go speak to some guys, tell them what he sees in them, and encourage them to just share a little. Its a small step but it provides a good platform to get them engaged. The youth really like hearing what the college guys have to say too.
Another thing I have done. I have seen something in someone, leadership potential or whatever you want to call it. But they are not really involved just sort of on the fringe. I find out what they are passionate about, then try and do that as a group. I them use them as an “expert” source. More times than not they start out just giving advice then end up planning the thing the next time we do it.
April 27th, 2006 at 10:57 am
I agree wholeheartedly with Sam. If the church has no real offer of challenge and adventure, then most men will simply remain uninterested. Men are built for action, built to do.
Tiffany, you may have stumbled onto an interesting litmus test for the church at large. If we struggle to engage young men in ministry activities, then perhaps, despite all our activities, we’re not really doing much.
If “ministry life” looks more like socials and tea parties then we shouldn’t expect to find many men involved.
April 27th, 2006 at 6:59 pm
What are some ways I can encourage other guys to a vigorous spiritual life and multiplicative leadership?
April 27th, 2006 at 10:18 pm
When I stepped onto the campus of the University of North Texas in the fall of 1987 there were about 35 students involved in Campus Crusade for Christ. When I graduated 5 years later we were pushing 400 plus. The reason for growth (besides obvious move of God) was MEN. There were about 5 guys (Jr’s and Sr’s at the time of my arrival) that simply refused to graduate without starting a movement. They dedicated themselves to prayer, meeting with small groups, one on one mentorship, late night spades games, creative dates, basketball and the infamous UNT CRU “road trips.” By the time those guys had left there were about 25 of us young men who were ready to “continue the movement.”
Today CRU and the local Bible church in Denton have about almost 1000 students (half of them men) involved in the campus ministry.
Point of the post? Don’t despise small beginnings Tiffany. If you have at least 2-3 men on campus willing to start a movement it can happen. It will be hard, take work and push those guys to the limit but the results could be amazing.
Use the encouragement these other leaders have left, pray and ask God for a miracle movement in your setting. We will be praying for you!
April 27th, 2006 at 11:50 pm
Tiffany,
I completely agree with Dean that men are built for action, and the offers for challenge and adventure seldom come from the church. I also think there’s another dynamic at work.
Regardless of where poeple are on the male/female role issue, I think it’s obvious that a man who has become a gentle, Godly warrior is a powerful force. I’m sure our enemy has an equally strategic plan for women, but there is no doubt in my mind that he is pushing hard against us as we try to live like Barbarians. The problem of spiritually wimpy men is everywhere, in my opinion. This is using a broad brush, but those of us who are younger tend towards messing around, and then as we get older, we jump into our careers and start chasing the American dream.
I think we have to be equally strategic in our fight for the hearts of men. It’s worth a lot of thought for us to consider how we can connect men to the tender Warrior heart of God. We’re putting together some ideas for our church that we think could become a type of spiritual fraternity for men. It will be an ongoing forum that will attempt to connect us to God and each other in a way that is “manly”, and then mobilize us back into our families, jobs, and schools as men who will swim upstream as tender warriors. I’ll try to post about it on my blog sometime soon….it’s nothing new, but feel free to give any feedback you might have.
April 28th, 2006 at 5:02 am
Jake,
Mission.
Mission is what trains a warrior. Mission is what makes a man. Take men outside the walls of the church and into the world. No half measures.
That’s where the path really begins. An ancient Japanese warrior code illustrates the scriptural reality well …
Bushido, the way of the warrior. A warrior’s soul and a warrior’s sword are one and the same. They are inseperable. They are always wielded or yielded together.
May 23rd, 2006 at 12:29 am
While I agree with many of the sentiments expressed above with regards to the majority of men, I would add a note of caution.
Many men (including myself) don’t quite fit into the paradigm presented by many of the Christian writers of late with regards to masculine religion. I do very much appreciate my positive faith role models (mostly my pastor and my Dad), but I also learn so much from women in the church, and I would go as far as to say that sometimes I relate more to the way that women interact in their faith than how most men do. And I guess this is why I favor female & male co-leadership in the church.
One could argue that I am the product of a generation that has blurred gender roles, but I would argue that the way I am wired is in large part an issue of how I was born.