A New Day

- read about Martin Luther King Jr.

- read about Nelson Mandela

- study the role of suffering in our lives [is it necessary for our sanctification?]

- learn to sew

It’s thundering outside.  The rain is really coming down; I can hear it on the roof.  I didn’t even know it was supposed to storm.  I don’t think my weather widget knows it’s doing it either.

I remember a few weeks ago my roommate, a friend, and I sat on the backporch on a futon and watched the lightening.  It was amazing.  That also reminds me of another time that I was flying into St.Louis and we were over this tremendously powerful storm.  As we were above the clouds, we saw this lightening off in the distance.  All of us on the plane couldn’t help but stare. Isn’t that how it is sometimes?  We see God’s power, whether that be in our hearts, in creation, or in others, and we all feel compelled to just look and stare.

Thank you.

What is so attractive to me about simplicity? Buying less, accumulating less, living on less. Of course, there are times when I give in to the consumerist culture that we live in, and start believing that I need more to be cool. We compliment the new stuff- the new clothes, the new haircut, the new piece of technology, the new computer, the new ipod, the new cell phone. So, sometimes I just want to be complimented. I want to be up on the latest trends. I don’t want to be labeld as archaic or plain or outdated. But how do I reconcile these two things?

I think I have to understand what is making me want stuff. It’s how I was raised. Commercials. Growing up in Suburbia, USA, in a middle-upper middle class family. Now that I’m newly married to a man who desires simplicity (not just pseudoly, but he truly prefers it), I’m left to fight this battle inside me. I want but I don’t need. But we’re in America, right? The land of freedom and opportunity. We’ve earned the money that we have. It’s ours. We have all these cool toys at our disposal, so why not?

Sometimes I think, “Well, I could get this stuff now, and then if/when we go to africa, i’ll have to sell it all, and then i’ll be simple. I’ll wait til then though.” But, I mean, it’s like people who say, “I’m young, I want to have fun now and do what I want. I’ll settle down later. I’ll be obedient to God after I start a family.”

The question I’m struggling with (that not many, even myself, can candidly speak to because of our biases to maintain the lifestyle we have)– is simpliciity biblical? Is consumerism biblical? Does God make some people rich so they can have nice houses, nice cars, vacations to the beach, cute clothes, fun hobbies that eat money, the newest technology gadgets? Because many many of us in America think that He does. But, I have this eating, nagging at my stomach that we have a big responsibility that may require that we stop choosing those things, and just give our money away the way God would. I think God can give us the ability to make a lot of money, but not to “be rich” (i.e. living on less, giving away more).

I am sad that no one talks about this, and no one will ever admit that they spend their money incorrectly. But I want to be challenged on this. And sometimes it’s easier to live this way when you have a community of people around you who thinks similarly. It’s less tempting. Because money is one of the gods of America, and I think that we are having a hard time seeing beyond the cultural norm to the invisible reality and the kingdom at hand.

Will anyone be so brave as to dialogue about this? What do you think?

I wonder if spiritual maturity and journey has anything to do with how “old” you are. I’ve been following Christ for 9 1/2 years, and I’ve started to feel uncontent. Don’t get me wrong, God has been great to me; i surely have no complaints about that. At first I thought my uneasy, jolted, somewhat dispondent feeling towards God had something to do with this past year of unknowing and confusion. But, we have been on the other side of that for a little over a month now, and the feeling is not changing. And by “feeling”, I’m not talking about emotion, but about that thing in the depth of your soul. Even if this past year has something to do with it, it’s not all that is going on inside me.

When I was in eighth grade, I was introduced to a God who would help make me good. On the outside, I looked like a very, very good kid. Straight A’s, good friends, a homebody, eager to please. But not many knew the ugliness of my past- my sin, my mistakes, my thoughts. No one. Well, except a few people who participated in that junk with me. So, in eighth grade, I knew that I was going to have to pay for all of that stuff, and I was scared. I needed a Savior. And Jesus so kindly opened his arms to me, even if i had mixed motives. And that was good, very good.

Now I’m not content with being good. I look at many students around me who just want to be “good” too. And I want to shake them and tell them to do something crazy- even be “bad”, I don’t care, but just stop being “good”. Of course that’s not the right response, but it’s where I’m at. I want to see people either love Jesus and LIVE their lives for Him, or to stop. Be bad. Be who you are on the inside. Don’t play the game.

This attitude, i’m sure, is a result of what God is doing in my heart (isn’t it always like that? whatever we are being taught, we think everyone needs to learn it too?). I don’t want to just be made good. I want to be a part of a movement that has some sort of meaning and purpose. And I need to see that tangibly.

I desperately need a community of faith with people my age and older (as well as younger).
I desperately need adventure. And I need God to show me how he has designed Jake and I- and how to be obedient to that when there’s so many adventures going on. We need to be shown our place in all of it.
I desperately need the courage to forge ahead in the present, to live faithfully and obedient where I am, where God has me. I don’t always want to.
Honestly, I don’t want to tell people how to be made good. Yuck. I’m not content with that, why in the world would I want to tell others about it? When people see my life, is that something that they are going to want? Do I live life in such a way that people want Jesus? I remember listening to a leader in the Christ-following movement being interviewed, and he was asked if he gets worn out by all the travelling and stuff. He said no, that it energized him, that he loves life and is excited to wake up each day and see what God has in store for him that day.

I want that. I’m bored.

Jake and I had a pet for a few hours yesterday. I’d like to introduce him to you. He was a friendly fella…I think he liked us a lot.

He was very muddy when he came, so we gave him a bath.

Thomas didn’t stay very long. He was eagerly looking to go back outside, so we released him back to his family.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Ahhh, it feels good to be back at home after 10 days of travelling. The time in Turkey was really great- full of funny stories and meaningful activities. It is hard to narrate everything that happened. Maybe I will just tell some highlights of the trip for those of you who might have been praying for us, or who are just interested.

- halfway through the trip we were in a 5.0 earthquake. it wasn’t as bad as a 5.0 sounds. nothing fell of the walls or anything; we were all in bed when it occurred. it was the first significant earthquake i have been in though.
- we were able to give out 50 packets filled with new testaments, vcds about house churches, and vcds of the jesus film.
- several of those went to imams and one went to an assistant mayor of a village who approached us!
- i have seen the most beautiful place on earth- Van Lake. check it out. mountains, islands, clouds, water, plains– all in one single shot.
- i learned the reality of the spiritual state of turkey– in the entire county of turkey, there are only 3500 known turkish believers (to put this in perspective, in istanbul alone- there are about 14 million people). this put into perspective the saying, “missions exists because worship doesn’t”.
- two of our team members passports, money, plane tickets, ids, etc were stolen. this re-routed our trip, but things still worked out wonderfully.
- I ate more fast food in the last 10 days than i have all of the last school year.

“If Jesus is a moralist imposing a moral code on humanity, then of course we can question that code and His authority. But suppose Jesus is the revealer of the nature of reality, then that makes Him different. He is not only revealing the nature of God– he is revealing the nature of life. Life then works in His way and only in His way. Then the Christian way becomes not a side issue, but the central issue of life — the one issue of life.”

- E Stanley Jones, from The Way

Only five days until I leave for Turkey! I’m really excited, and a little nervous too. Five students and I are going there for 10 days to do a little visiting— meeting people, seeing new places, and sharing our life with other people.

I have a busy next few days…

Thursday: finish mothers day gift; prepare for discipleship meeting, help cook senior dinner, celebration with the graduating seniors, and then LOTR III.

Friday: shop for turkey stuff, pack, hang with emily, shop for gift for jake, go to bed EARLY!

Saturday: wake up at 5:00AM!! Jake has our anniversary all planned out, and this is when our day begins! Graduation parties, finish packing, etc.

Sunday: church, travel to waterloo to see my momma, go to south county to meet everyone for a mothers day dinner, go to jess’ to spend the night…

and Monday: up at the crack of dawn, so we can head out for our 9:30a international flight

Whew!

One of the main reasons why I decided not to be a 6th grade math teacher….

…I didn’t want to do behavior management/discipline. I’m just not good at it and really don’t know how to get people to listen to me/ to put weight to what i say. and why should they? i dont know if i have a good answer for that.

I’m not good at conflict resolution. I dont know how to do it and i’m terrified of making enemies or making people angry/causing a disunifying spirit. A need a mentor in conflict.